A Flower in the Shadows
by M C Pehrson
Summary: Story #79 While away at college, Spock's son James makes one poor decision that changes the course of his life.


Snow fell thickly outside the cabin nestled in the Sawtooth Mountains of Idaho. Already, the yard was swathed in a fresh white layer that would need clearing before noon. Ordinarily Spock would ask his son to operate the snow blaster, but since arriving home from the university for winter break, James had not been himself. Each day he donned his snowshoes and disappeared into the woods on solitary treks. He was even avoiding his good friend and neighbor, Lame Wolf.

But for some reason, this morning was different. James lingered long after pushing aside his half-eaten breakfast. It was Saturday, and the family had gathered in the cabin's small living area where Tess sat quietly playing with a new doll she had received at Christmas. The news was on the wall screen, but Spock's attention shifted to T'Naisa as she settled beside him with a steaming mug.

"Coffee?" he observed. "It seems that you have been drinking much more than usual."

Her brown eyes sparkled at him as she savored a swallow. "It's a taste I acquired from my father on the space station. This time of year, it's warming, and the cream helps fill me up. You know how hungry I get."

"But the caffeine," Spock said.

 _"Caffeine!"_ The scorn in Jamie's voice brought their conversation to a halt.

Spock turned to his son.

James sat on the edge of his chair, glowering. "Who cares about caffeine? _Real_ drugs are out there—dangerous ones—stuff that can ruin your whole future in a minute."

The boy's passion was understandable, considering his interest in troubled youth. It was the focus of his freshman studies at Purdue, where he was earning good grades.

After his outburst, James collected himself. "Sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you."

Tess went over, gave him a hug, and said, "It's alright, Jamie."

The news was carrying a story about the drug called "Blue". It was yet another derivative of Saurian Strardus, with which Spock had personal experience. None of his children knew about his former addiction and he intended to keep it that way.

With a quick glance at Spock, T'Naisa asked, "Jamie, is that what's been bothering you? Is that drug on your campus?"

His jaw tightened. "I've seen it."

"Blue," Spock said with distaste. "These drugs spread like poison through the entire sector. James, I'm glad you are a sensible young man. I trust that you have made a report to the dean?"

James gave no reply as he focused intently on the screen. Then he donned his winter gear, grabbed his snowshoes, and headed out the door.

oooo

That afternoon Spock was walking the path he had just cleared when James emerged from the woods with a troubled expression.

"Father," he said gravely, "we have to talk. We have to talk now."

So James was ready to unburden himself. Spock nodded. "Come over to the seminary."

They entered the warm office and shed their coats.

James pulled off his knitted cap and stood wringing it in his hands. "I don't know how to tell you this…but I'm in trouble. Real trouble."

Spock resisted a very human urge to imagine the worst. Worry was an illogical waste of energy. A Yanashite should trust the Shiav in every situation, but his body tensed as if awaiting a blow.

"There's a girl…" James turned and began to pace back and forth. "We share a couple of classes. One day there was a stray dog on campus…a mangy little guy. Well, this girl…we found out that we both love animals; you see, she wants to be a veterinarian. We were friends, that's all, but…but things happened." He froze and stared at his twisted cap, his whitened knuckles.

Spock took a deep breath and sank into a chair, his emotions warring. Anger flared, then fear for his son's future, but most of all a painful sense of disappointment. At fifteen he had lost his own virginity to his betrothed when she seduced him in the basement of her parent's summer home. As an adult, he had fallen under the spell of an alluring Sy-jeera—T'Beth's mother. He knew that sexual advances could be very hard to resist, but he had discussed the delicate matter with his sons and had trusted James to maintain a high moral standard away from home. Clearly that trust had been misplaced.

"'Things happened'," Spock repeated levelly. "Might you be more specific?"

James hung his head in shame. "We…went all the way. I wasn't thinking. I didn't know what I was doing…"

"Didn't know? How could you not know?" As a new unsettling thought occurred to Spock, he leaned forward. "Unless…"

James sat and lowered his face into his hands. "There was a party…at a frat house."

"And you were drinking alcoholic beverages," Spock assumed.

James shook his head. "No. But one of the fellows had it—the stuff on the news—the Blue. He passed it around."

Spock felt his heart seize. "Blue! You ingested Blue?"

In his chair, James straightened and wiped at a tear. "Just that once. It was so stupid…I was curious, that's all…and I wanted to fit in." Fiercely he added, "But I'm never touching it again!"

Spock sat in silence. The damage had been done. Would James hold to his resolution or would the Blue lure him back?

Finally James said, "Anika—that's the girl's name—she's eighteen like me, a freshman. I went with her to the clinic. We got tested…and the baby's mine, alright. A boy."

Spock wondered what sort of girl needed a test to determine her child's paternity. "So…this Anika was not certain you were the father."

James sighed. "We _both_ took some Blue. You have to understand. A lot of things happened at that party…and there was no way to remember clearly, no way to be sure."

"You might also have impregnated other girls?" As there was no answer forthcoming, Spock rose and went to the window. Remembering his own drug-induced flights of euphoria, he gazed out at the falling snow. Then he reordered his thoughts and asked, "What do you intend to do?"

James was quiet for so long that Spock turned and faced him. The boy's lost, stricken expression made it woefully clear. As yet, he had no plan.

Spock was about to speak when the boy's wrist phone chimed. James glanced at it and said, "It's her. I'd better take it."

James kept the volume low and spoke to Anika in terse, anguished phrases. "No…oh, no. Yes, I told him…he's right here. No, he's not like that. Don't cry…we'll figure out something. No, stay there…hold on…I'll call right back."

He came over and stood beside Spock, his eyes on the drifting snow. In a hushed voice he said, "Her parents are divorced. Her dad's in Starfleet, serving aboard a ship. She lives with her mom and younger sister. Correction: she _lived_ with her mom." He hesitated. "You see, Mrs. Pontus hated her husband's career, and she has a lot of resentment toward off-worlders. It was bad enough finding out that Anika is pregnant, but when Anika told her about me…about my Vulcan blood…" His voice thickened and trailed off. He cleared his throat. "Anika is such a sweet girl; she deserves better." For the first time, he turned and looked Spock squarely in the eye. "Father, I don't know exactly what Anika and I will do, but right now she's out on the street, all alone. I'm going to her."

oooo

Spock and Jamie entered the cabin together. One glimpse at their faces, and T'Naisa knew that she had not been imagining the disturbance in her marital bond. There was something going on, alright—something serious.

Jamie tossed his snowshoes in his bedroom. Spock went to the phone screen and prepaid for three out-of-state transports. A round trip and a one-way passage. Then Jamie disappeared out the door.

Rising, Spock sent Tess into her room. Then he came over to T'Naisa and placed his hand on her forearm. Quietly he said, "We are about to have a visitor." Without attempting to blunt the truth, he briefly told her what Jamie had done.

T'Naisa could scarcely believe it. Level-headed Jamie! Take an illegal drug? Get a girl pregnant? Instinctively she rose to her stepson's defense. "I bet _she_ gave him the Blue! _She_ talked him into it! She wanted him and it was the only way she could get him."

It seemed that Spock had already accepted the unfortunate situation; those trained in the Vulcan way adapted quickly. In an impossibly calm voice, he said, "That is not how James described it. In any event, the young woman has been cut adrift by her mother. I asked James to bring her here…for now. We will see this Anika for ourselves."

Though she was a halfling like Spock, T'Naisa had been raised as an emotionally free human. There was scarcely time for her to assimilate the turn of events and start a fresh pot of coffee before James arrived with his guest.

"This is Anika Pontus," he introduced her.

The girl's physical appearance startled T'Naisa, who had expected an attractive temptress in heavy makeup and alluring clothes. Anika was plump and plain, with unadorned brown hair that hung limply to her shoulders. The tip of her nose was red from crying. Her sad gray eyes watched them warily.

If Anika surprised Spock, he gave no sign of it. Graciously welcoming her, he bade the shy-looking girl to sit with Jamie on the sofa. Spock chose to remain standing, but T'Naisa went to a chair. Tess had come out of her room, but rather than send her away, T'Naisa drew the girl onto her lap and held her snugly. There was really no need to shelter her, for Tess was mentally incapable of comprehending these adult matters. As T'Naisa embraced her, she could not help thinking of her daughter's future. In a few short years, Tess would have a womanly body. Would her mind still be that of a child? For the first time, T'Naisa found herself wishing that Tess was not quite so lovely; wishing she was plain like Anika, who had managed to find trouble just the same.

oooo

At first it was hard for Anika to believe that she was truly pregnant. She didn't feel a bit sick, like so many other expectant mothers. But when her belly began to swell and life stirred inside her, it finally seemed real.

Thanks to her good health and money sent by her father, she was able to continue her education. She spent her vacations with Jamie's family at Plum Creek. From the beginning, they had been kind to her. Jamie moved into the seminary, and she took over his bedroom. In return, she helped with chores and babysat Tess when the rest of the family was busy.

By the time summer arrived, she was getting quite large. Jamie declined his customary job at a farm in Iowa. Instead, he bought an old groundcar and found work in the neighboring town. But between his job and his horses, they hardly spent more than a moment alone together. In all likelihood, they never would be a couple. Anika was acutely aware of her physical shortcomings, while Jamie was handsome and mysterious—the personification of the alien intermingling that Anika's mother reviled. They had shared a love of animals, the outdoors, and the downtrodden. He had never made fun of her. They might have gone on being friends, if not for the party. Now everything between them had become awkward.

August arrived in a blaze of heat. Anika stood at the corral watching Jamie groom Starburst and Paint. Both mares had foaled, and the young horses strongly favored their Appaloosa sire. Genetics were interesting. From the prenatal scans, Anika already knew that her baby would look human, and perhaps today she would meet him face to face. The contractions were becoming more and more frequent. Feeling nervous, she went into the cabin and told T'Naisa. Without informing Jamie, they left Tess with Spock and quietly headed to the hospital. Anika didn't want Jamie there. She didn't want him to see her all uncovered, sweating and straining. She didn't want him anywhere near the birth, unless he loved her the way that she was starting to love him.

When Jamie found out what they had done, he was angry. But his temper subsided at the hospital when she offered his newborn son and he held the baby in his arms for the first time. No Vulcan ears or eyebrows, yet anyone could see that Jamie was his father.

That night, alone in the hospital, Anika printed her name on the birth registry. "Anika Ruth Pontus". Then, the father. "James Skon S'chn T'gai". The baby's name was not as easy. Hesitating, she cast a warm glance at the bedside bassinet where he was fast asleep. Finally she wrote "Cody James" for her father and for the father of her child. With a pain in her heart, she finished "S'chn T'gai". Even though the three of them would never live together as a real family, Cody would have Jamie's surname.

Soon after she brought Cody to Plum Creek, Jamie sat down and talked to her. The pregnancy had left her heavier than ever, but if Jamie noticed, he didn't say so. Instead, he spoke about his financial responsibilities and the importance of his religious faith. Anika had wondered how he came to be Catholic in a family of Yanashites. With tears in his eyes, he told her the story of his mother Lauren, murdered with his twin sister, Teresa. They had all been Catholic, but now only he was left.

Anika longed to hold Jamie in her arms and comfort him. She had her own ideas of God, but she admired his high moral principles and could only hope that their son turned out as well. She didn't even wait for Jamie to ask. Then and there, she consented to have Cody baptized.

oooo

September brought a new round of classes at Purdue. Jamie helped Anika settle their son into student day care, and though they lived in separate housing, word soon spread that he was Cody's father. Though Jamie was subjected to a few rude comments, he did not deny his paternity.

When a couple of male classmates insulted Anika's appearance, he came to her defense. "You don't even know her—she's a nice girl."

The detractors only snickered. "Nice and fat is more like it. Man, you must be desperate. I thought Vulcans weren't interested in women, but maybe they just like them ugly."

As they laughed at his and Anika's expense, Jamie felt his hands clenching. Only the thought of his future…of the boy's ranch…kept him from lashing out. After the day's classes, he escaped to Anika's dorm for some pleasant moments with his infant son. Sometimes he stayed to help Anika with Cody, and they studied together. She was a serious student and he found her veterinary courses interesting.

One evening, as they sat poring over their padds, Jamie's conscience nudged him. "Anika," he said, "I've never told you I'm sorry." Her eyes questioned him and his face went hot. "For what happened at the party. For messing up your life."

Looking equally embarrassed, she tucked an unruly strand of hair behind her ear. She turned her gaze on Cody, sleeping soundly in his crib. Softly she said, "It's been tough, alright…but I wouldn't give him up. Not for anything."

"Neither would I," Jamie declared with a surge of paternal affection. Yet deep down, his heart ached. One moment of weakness had brought devastating consequences, and it was Cody who would suffer most of all. A boy needed his father in the home.

oooo

Anika had reconciled with her mother, but there was still tension between them, so she preferred to spend summer vacation on the peaceful mountain at Plum Creek. When there was no work to be done, she slung Cody into a backpack and hiked the forest trails. All through her second year of college, she had tried hard to lose some weight. Though she would never be willowy, over the course of the summer, she shed many of the excess pounds that had plagued her since adolescence. Exercising in the mountain air brought color to her cheeks. She donned a touch of makeup, a new hairstyle, and flattering clothes—not that she considered herself a great beauty, but she began to smile at her reflection in the mirror.

All week Jamie worked in town, then spent Saturdays with his horses. There was a new set of foals, and yearlings in need of training. Sundays were always best. After Jamie came home from Mass, Anika packed sandwiches. They rode out on horseback, just the two of them, while Cody napped under his grandparents' watchful eyes. Tess always begged to follow along on her burro, but T'Naisa and Spock were firm. No. Anika and Jamie were grownups—they were twenty now, and this was their special time together. The lecture never varied, and Anika found it difficult to maintain a serious expression. While it was true that they were "grownups", these weekly rides were full of fun and laughter. When Jamie swung into the saddle, the strain left his face and he was able to relax with her. Sometimes Anika wished they could stay on the trail forever.

oooo

Was it August already? For Jamie, the summer had sped by, and today Cody was one year old. Cody had grown into a handsome dark-haired boy with Jamie's eyes and his mother's smile. His birthday fell on a Sunday. At noon, they celebrated with his sister T'Beth and her family, who had come from Arizona for the occasion. From the beginning, T'Beth had been especially kind and supportive, for she had also produced a child out of wedlock. Like Jamie she had stumbled, and it encouraged him to see how well her life had turned out.

After the party, Cody went down for a nap and Jamie found himself missing his customary ride with Anika. The day was warm and she wore a floral sundress that flattered her curvaceous figure. He was very much aware of her presence as she followed him to the stable, where he saddled Paint and Starburst for T'Beth's children.

As he was tightening the last cinch, T'Beth came up and whispered in his pointed ear. "Why don't you take Anika for a little walk? Aaron and I can manage the horses."

Jamie blushed, but a quiet walk in the woods sounded good. They took the northern path that led along the edge of the creek. With each step, the sound of the happy children grew fainter. A cooling breeze sighed in the pines. The oppressive heat of the past week was giving way. Soon the leaves on the plum trees would turn yellow.

Anika paused to stroke a velvety patch of moss. "Jamie, look! Isn't it beautiful?"

Jamie tore his eyes from her and looked at the moss. He felt strangely awkward. This was not the same as their outings on horseback. Here, they were so much closer.

They moved on. Songbirds flitted in the treetops. Squirrels chased up and down a thick pine trunk. Jamie was thinking of starting back when a cloud blotted out the sun and thunder rumbled.

"Oh, listen…" Anika said.

Jamie turned and found her smiling at the prospect of a storm. Her teeth were straight and white, and her eyes sparkled. A dimple in her left cheek made Jamie's heart beat faster. Suddenly it occurred to him that Anika was beautiful. Somehow, when he was hardly paying attention, she had bloomed like a flower in the shadows.

The forest grew dark and quiet. A single raindrop struck the ground between them. Lightning flashed and there was a loud crack of thunder. Suddenly the sky opened and hail pelted down.

Jamie caught Anika by the hand and pulled her under the shelter of a towering hemlock. The temperature was falling fast.

Seeing her shiver in her thin dress, he said, "You're cold."

A protective instinct made him reach out hesitantly and draw her body close. She nestled against him as if she enjoyed the contact. As Jamie held her, the fragrance of her perfume stirred him in unexpected ways.

 _What was happening?_ This was so different from their drug-hazed encounter at the party. This feeling was sweet and good.

Oblivious to the downpour, he spoke her name tenderly. She heard him and glanced up, her pupils intensely dark, her full lips inviting. With a sudden surge of passion, Jamie kissed her.

oooo

For the first time in her life, Anika felt truly attractive. _Jamie loved her!_ Since that first kiss at Plum Creek, he had made his feelings abundantly clear, yet always as a gentleman. He was a man of high character, and such a good father to Cody that Anika happily returned his love.

Back on campus they kept their new relationship secret, but before long they were publicly holding hands, and no one thought to ridicule them now. Instead, they sometimes received envious looks from their fellow students. It was a good year. They spoke openly of marriage, and when they discussed the future, their hopes and dreams always merged upon a fanciful tract of land called "Dreamcatcher". It was the perfect name for the ranch Jamie and his friend Lame Wolf envisioned—a place where troubled boys would come to be healed. Anika saw herself caring for the medical needs of the animals—for horses rescued, like the boys, from abuse or neglect. She had spent her childhood in an Indiana suburb, but she imagined Cody growing up with dirt under his feet, running free, and camping in the traditional Shoshone village that Lame Wolf planned.

Anika had met Lame Wolf and liked him. After high school, the placid Indian youth had left the Kirk ranch to live among his people in Wyoming, immersing himself in the Shoshone culture that was so dear to him. But he would come back, perhaps bringing along a Shoshoni bride. He would pool his money with Jamie's to buy property in the new frontier—the western coastland, left largely unpopulated since the Pacific Rim fractured. The future looked bright and promising.

oooo

Within weeks of one another, James and Anika turned twenty-one. This year, spring came slowly to the mountains of Idaho, but as summer neared, the last of the snow melted and wood violets bloomed along Plum Creek.

Spock and T'Naisa sat on the cabin porch, watching Cody chase after butterflies on his sturdy legs.

"Mama, Daddy, look!" he called repeatedly to his parents, who were over by the creek with Tess.

"Perhaps someday he will actually catch one," Spock wryly observed.

T'Naisa's attention turned to Jamie and the boy's mother. In a low voice she said, "Those two are so happy together. Cody needs a real family; they should just go ahead and get married."

Spock nodded in agreement. Quietly he replied, "I suspect it is a matter of economics. Anika's father is largely financing her education, but should they marry, James would not accept his help. You know he is a very independent young man. So far he has managed to make his own way at the university, but they would be unable to meet both their expenses."

T'Naisa sighed. She knew what it meant to long for love's fulfillment. Her years of yearning for Spock had been a sweet torment, but at least Anika knew that Jamie's heart belonged to her.

Suddenly Tess bounded onto the porch, her cheeks flushed with excitement, her shoes soaked with creek water. Though she was a big girl of eight, Tess functioned on a younger level.

"Look, look," she said breathlessly, "an egg! I found a pretty egg!"

Her clenched fist opened. There in her dirty palm lay a gleaming metallic lump.

oooo

"Gold!" Jamie exclaimed.

"There is no doubt of it," Spock declared as he switched off his tricorder.

Jamie looked up from the nugget on the bedside table and studied his father's face. Why had he alone been summoned into the privacy of his parents' room? He said, "I bet there's even more…washed down from some vein in the high country."

Father's slanted eyebrows drew together in a frown.

Jamie said, "You don't seem particularly pleased."

"Natural, unmanufactured gold is vanishingly rare on Earth," Father remarked. "For now, we must tell no one." He met Jamie's eyes. "No one outside this cabin. Do you understand?"

Though Jamie did not understand the need to exclude even T'Beth and his brother Simon, he slowly nodded.

Father explained, "We have spoken about the resentment and suspicion that lingers from the early days of contact between humans and Vulcans. You have seen the rise of anti-alien groups such as CUE. If we find gold on this property, there are those who would say we are plundering natural resources that rightfully belong to humans."

"But we're part human," Jamie protested. "This is our world, too."

There was sadness in his father's eyes. "Yes. Unfortunately, not everyone would agree. The fewer people know about this discovery, the better it will be. Tongues slip all too easily. I want you to impress upon Anika the need for absolute silence."

"I will," Jamie promised. "But what about Tessie? She'll never keep quiet."

Spock picked up the nugget and held it between his thumb and forefinger. "She will not betray our secret if she continues believing they are eggs."

The calculated workings of his father's mind took Jamie by surprise. "But…isn't that a bit of deception?"

"I am not suggesting we lie," came the reply. "Calling this an 'egg' is more than a fanciful description. Have you never heard of 'nest eggs'?" He met Jamie's questioning eyes. "Perhaps we will never find another such 'egg', but whatever you bring out of the creek is yours…to finance your life with Anika, and your ranch."

Stunned, Jamie stood silent. His father's offer was a thrilling seal of approval on his future plans, but his independent nature rebelled. "No. This land belongs to you and T'Naisa. The gold is yours."

"If not for a comment you made long ago, Jim Kirk would never have offered me this property. If not for you, I would never have married T'Naisa, and she would not have been there, influencing me to accept Jim's offer. T'Naisa agrees. We want you to have this nugget and all the gold you can find."

Jamie resisted his father's logic. "But it's yours…and even if I did take some, what about T'Beth and Simon and Tess? They're your children, too. Shouldn't they get a share?"

Father's brown eyes glistened with a rare show of emotion. "T'Beth and Simon are settled in their lives, and Tess will always be cared for. I had another child—your twin sister, Teresa. Your dream of a boy's ranch is as much hers, as yours. It was her diary that inspired you to reach out and help troubled youngsters. James, this gold is for you and Teresa, for Anika and Cody."

Jamie's pulse raced. Could this be the answer to his prayers? An end to the lonely, wakeful nights longing for the hour when he could make Anika his own?

"Half," he said. "Half then, but no more."

"Agreed." Father held out the tricorder. "Use this to scan the creek. We will split any profit equally between us." As Jamie reached for it, Spock added, "But first pledge to me that you will never use drugs again."

"Never again," Jamie promised.

oooo

Anika had not seen Jamie in such a state of emotional intensity since the day she informed him that she was pregnant. She had read stories about the gold rush days; she knew how the promise of quick wealth could affect people, and it worried her. Maybe it also worried T'Naisa, for she had insisted on watching Cody so Anika could accompany Jamie on a fact-finding mission for his father.

With an uneasy heart, Anika followed him up the splashing creek where plum blossoms drifted with each breeze. Every few feet, Jamie stopped and pointed the tricorder that hung from his shoulder. Occasionally be bent down, used a knife to pick at the creek bed, and slipped a misshapen hunk of gold into his pocket. She had counted five nuggets when they reached a spring at the upper end of the property. Water gushed from a sparkling white crevice that flowed into Plum Creek. Once more, Jamie pointed the tricorder. This time he didn't dig in the water. His hands trembled as his eyes rose to meet hers.

"Anika," he said. No more.

"I won't tell a soul," she assured him again. "Not my mother, not my father, not anyone."

His gaze never left her face. "This spring…it's the source. Down in the quartz, there's a thick vein…"

Anika knew she should feel excited, but fear gripped her heart. All that gold—what changes would it bring? Money could act like a drug, too. Forcing a smile, she said, "How wonderful for your parents. Let's go tell them."

Jamie didn't move. Quietly he said, "My father and I have made an agreement. He wanted me to take all the gold, but I'll only take half. Now, ten percent of my share is going straight to the Church, but the rest…the rest is ours."

The slamming of her heart made it difficult to think. "Ours?"

Jamie swallowed hard. "Anika, I love you. You know that, don't you?"

Somehow she nodded. And she found herself remembering the first time she met his father and saw the astounding resemblance between them. Yet she had never seen tears in his father's eyes, or a tremulous smile like the one forming on Jamie's face now. She scarcely heard the water rippling over the stones at her feet.

Then he said, "Anika, I don't want to waste another day. Let's go ahead and get married."

She held her breath. "And Dreamcatcher? You're not giving up on the ranch, are you?"

He laughed. "With this money, we'll build it even sooner."

Her fear fled and her heart leaped with joy as he swept her into his strong arms.

oooOOooo


End file.
